Monday, August 26, 2013

Why I have a love/hate relationship with being a working mom

Do you ever feel like you're juggling way too much? School starts the 29th for me, the 3rd for Tristan and then in October for Keegan, I work full time, my husband works full time, I have a house to keep clean, laundry to do, meals to cook. It feels overwhelming sometimes. And I'm so crazy that I desperately long to throw a newborn into the mix. Late night feedings, diaper changes, what's one more bath to give? Why not add a few more extra tasks in there, right? I juggle so fast sometimes, it seems I must have some invisible hands. And other days I recline in my chair , browsing Pinterest and trying not to look away from the computer screen because right at that moment I don't want to acknowledge that there are goldfish crackers smushed into the carpet. I get by the best I can.

The last few days have been long, and I've been extremely tired. I worked 12 hour days Saturday and Sunday, and didn't see the boys much all weekend. It was difficult. I don't like to be away from them much, but duty calls. Reality is that we need two incomes to support our family. And honestly, being a stay at home mom is not for me. I have a love/hate relationship with being a working mom.

I hate it for the most obvious reason. I don't like leaving my children. I don't like missing anything at all. Working cuts into the hours in a day that I have to get crap done. Not just stuff with the kids but cleaning, laundry, errands, etc. There are days that I think "If I didn't have to go to work today I'd have plenty of time to finally clean the van out." Finding babysitters sometimes makes me feel like a burden to family and friends. There are certainly times that I feel like working full time is a huge burden to bear.

But all in all, I love it. I love my job. I love helping others. I love knowing I have made a difference in the lives of my clients, and I can't wait to be a nurse. I feel like I am teaching my children that hard work is the key to anything in life. Would it have been ideal if I had waited to have my children until I was finished with school and had an established career? Yes. But now, my boys get to see me working hard and accomplishing something, they get to see the fruits of my labor. Yes, they do ask why I have to go to work. There are times they don't want me to go. But I am proud when I tell them that I have to go so that I can continue to provide for them. They understand. I also believe it shows them that marriage is a partnership, my husband and I equally contribute to the household, both finacially and in other ways. He helps out with chores and with caring for the children. I work and help out with bills, etc. Nothing is the full responsibility of ether of us, we both help with everything. I am a mother, and I am raising my boys, but I get to just be Ashlei at work. I get to have my own identity. That is important to me as well.

If being a stay at home mom is what works for you, awesome! I can definitely see the benefits. But no matter how hard it is, I feel as though me working is what is best for my family, One of the great things about health care is the flexibilty of the schedule. We make it work, together.

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